i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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