I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
