so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
