Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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