but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
