im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
