My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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