just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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