Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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