My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
