you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize