Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
