you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
