my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
