just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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