And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
