Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I did not marry a roomba.
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