apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
