Moan for me like Helen Keller
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
