if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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