i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize