Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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