rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
