The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
