Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize