I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
