U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
