I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
