I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
