just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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