No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
