thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
