Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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