bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
