idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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