my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
