What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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