and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
