Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
