Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
