he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize