Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He passed out mid-signature
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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