the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
