How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
