Cold hands, warm shart.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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