so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
