RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
