where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
