as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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