So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
