What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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