dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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