...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
