Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
