He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
