I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
