You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
