Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
