I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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