sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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