You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize