If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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