i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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