hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
