Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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