i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my shit smells like andre
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
