Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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