You're my little dorito
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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