you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
