you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
