God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
