I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
