Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's shark week go big or go home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
