Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
