I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
