you would pick up someone in the library
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize