i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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