I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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