You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
