i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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