I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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