smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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