you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
