I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
