All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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