i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
