if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
