dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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