just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
