you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
