Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
